What Defines You?

I am not sure anyone plans to be an internet marketer. I know I didn’t. But my road to working online was really about me defining who I am and what I want to get out of life. Up until recently I could never have laid claim to being a success of anything that I had set out to achieve, and this has always sat heavily on my heart.

When I was young, life seemed so easy, and I was full of ambition and optimism, however life had other ideas…

I was going to be a professional trumpet player. That was all I ever wanted to do. I love the sound, the feeling of the trumpet on the lips, the adrenaline rush during loud, high brassy moments of many brass band and orchestra pieces. I loved everything about it.

The Beginning

I started out playing cornet in the Salvation Army, taking after my uncle who was renowned for his musicianship, and when I was a teenager, I started mixing with more young musicians in the world of the Salvation Army and unfortunately (ironically), this is where I discovered that life could be cruel… I was the target of some rather tough psychological bullying. I never worked out why; they were friends, then they just all turned on me. To this day, I cannot work out what I did to deserve this.

As a result of this, I used to dread going to the Salvation Army, and never performed to my potential when I wore the uniform; I let the bullies win, while I wallowed n my own self pity. Needless to say I left this organization at the first opportunity, discovering that there were more Christian-like folk down at the local pubs than there were in the SA!

Outside of the Salvation Army however, it was a different story; I played with youth orchestras, wind bands, brass bands, and chamber ensembles. In fact non-Christian musicians showed each other far greater support and friendship than I could ever expect in the SA, and I started to shine. It was even recommended that I audition for Music College: I did, and succeeded! However, despite this small victory, the bullies had instilled in me a strong sense of self-doubt…

I looked forward to college, where I would learn from one of the best respected trumpet teachers in the industry, and finally banish the painful memories of torment, however I learned that after 13 years of playing trumpet, I was in fact using a faulty technique and had to stop, and start again…from scratch! This is akin to learning to write with your other hand: a seemingly impossible task. The fight wasn’t with the bullies now, but myself, and my own criticism was far harsher than anyone else’s.

I did however, see the need for this change, and supported by new friends, I threw myself into daily practice, putting in more hours than many of my colleagues. It was hard work! After years of finding it so easy, the simplest of tunes became the biggest of challenges, and the joy that I used to feel for trumpet playing quickly turned to frustration as I battled the new technique and my own growing self-doubt.

Despite establishing many lasting friendships at college, it was not a joyous time for me, because I had always defined myself by what I could do on the trumpet. To this day, I still don’t think I ever achieved anything close to my potential as a musician and it is a big regret of mine: one that I aim to fix in time.

The Realization

Since graduating, some of my friends have gone on to have very good careers in music, and are making a good income from doing what they love. They work in Symphony Orchestras, Swing Bands, Show Bands, session orchestras, and even on film and TV scores. I worked just as hard as them and practiced with them daily, but I did not come in to the same kind of success as they did. At first this hurt, and I was jealous; they were getting paid handsomely for doing what they love, and they could get good mortgages, buy nice cars, and have nice holidays. All the while, I was not gigging very much, and working the odd non-music-related jobs for little more than the minimum wage, and had to move back in with my parents… I got quite jealous, and felt extremely unfulfilled…

For the most part, I managed to keep these feelings internalized, (only my very closest friends knew that something was up), but these were very dark times for me. If I am very honest (and this is the first time I have ever admitted this), this was the real reason for my coming to Japan; I wanted to escape the reality that I had created for myself.

The reality was that I would never earn money at the same level that my college friends were doing, and that I would always be the “nearly- man”; the one who tried so hard, but sadly did not have what it takes to be a professional musician. This was a heavy burden to carry around for someone as proud as I am.

At this stage, I had never considered anything other than playing trumpet. It was something that I had prepared for all my life, and then when the realization set in that I would not be able to fulfill this ambition, I was absolutely heart-broken, more than any of my family and friends realize.

Japan

Japan brought with it new challenges. Aside from the language, for the first time I was not going to be surrounded by musicians and live music, I was going to be an English teacher: big change!

My plan was to stay here for just two years while I regrouped, and figured out what to do. The trouble is, figuring it out was very difficult. I still felt compelled to practice everyday, even though I had nothing to aim for. I needed to find something else that would fulfill me, something un-related to music, so that I would not be haunted by my past.

I had to find something different, with which to define myself.

Then one day, by chance, I stumbled across Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki. In this book he talks about how he, a self-professed average person, achieved fulfillment and even wealth through business, investing and entrepreneurship; something I had never even considered before. He was saying that you do not need to be defined by a job that you do, or by the things you cannot do, but you can be defined by the difference you make.

Now this was music to my ears!

The more I read, the more encouraged I became. I started to developed plans for bricks and mortar businesses, looked into investing in stocks and shares, and explored the real estate market. My wife became interested too, and we promised ourselves that we would buy homes in Tokyo and London so I can be closer to the people I love, and build wealth for my family. Just having these new goals has re-invigorated my life. The next hurdle however, was to get the required capital.

In many of his books, Robert Kiyosaki recommends Internet Marketing as a good way to start out as an entrepreneur, and so taking stock of my current situation I saw this as a real means to kick start my new journey in life. I devoured as much information as I could, then started scouring the Internet for opportunities, and in my search I have met many likeminded people, and have even managed to banish thoughts of my perceived failures! I have teamed up with great people and now feel a real sense of belonging: something that was missing in my life for a long time.

I have a sense of purpose!

New Hope

I cannot wait to wake up in the morning and do a bit of work on the computer, before heading out to my day job, and I cannot wait for the day to end so I can get back to work!

If you have ever been haunted by feelings of self-doubt, self-loathing and despair, you know how debilitating this is, and how difficult it is to enter into new relationships, and be liked by others. I really have to say a big heartfelt thank you to my wife for sticking by me during the darkest of times; I was moody, often falling into rage at the slightest provocation. But, here is the thing, there are bound to be countless others out there like me, who have experienced similar emotions of despair, frustration and loathsomeness, but with the right support, they too can be lifted out of the dark places that they currently inhabit.

My mission now, is to seek those people out, and help them turn their lives around, while building a solid foundation of wealth for my own family. As Robert Kiyosaki says, “the best way to learn about finance and business is to teach it!” The financial education product that I am selling is needed now more than ever, because the current economical crises is going to produce many more people who lose what defined them for so long.

These days, rightly or wrongly, we are defined by what we do, rather than who we are, so having enough money, and more importantly, a mission, goes along way to dispelling negative thoughts and feelings of self-doubt and loathing.

But perhaps more importantly, it can go along way to instilling a sense of self-worth and value in the individual.

Now, that is music to my ears!!